Contractor fears over London shark attack…

UK contractor requires risk assessment of likely shark attack in centre of London.

A UK contractor working on the preparatory demolition ahead of the construction of the Amity Tower on the banks of London’s River Thames has been forced to call in the assistance of shark attack experts over fears that its work might release man-eating Tiger sharks into the river.

The anonymous contractor reports that the client raised concerns that vibration from the demolition works could result in the escape of the deadly Tiger sharks from the neighbouring London Aquarium.

“We were aware of the location of the aquarium and the various forms of marine life contained there. But the client took one look at our initial risk assessment – particularly the part relating to the provision of an emergency escape vessel – and insisted that we would ‘need a bigger boat’,” a spokesman says. “As a result, we had to buy a purpose-built boat called The Orca.”

Despite protestations from the contractor that a Tiger shark could not survive in the River Thames, the client also recommended a consultation with world-renowned shark attack experts Brody, Hooper & Quint. “It is true that Tiger sharks would not live for very long in freshwater. But sharks are deeply unpredictable. You just never know what they’re going to do next,” explains consultant Martin Brody. “I saw one eat a rocking chair once.”

The unnamed contractor reports that work is scheduled to commence at Amity Tower within the next few weeks with the demolition portion expected to be completed by 4 July.