DemolitionNews will not be bought or bribed!
It is Good Friday, a day when I should be spending time with my family and recovering from a week in which the latest edition of our new magazine hit the newsstands.
Instead, I am in front of a computer, shocked and appalled at having received an unsolicited bribe from a company that shall remain nameless (Northerntrack). The fact that anyone thinks my loyalties can bought for the price of a (very smart) Easter egg just shows how little they know me or understand my editorial integrity.
Andy and Sue Hair – the Brangelina of the demolition industry – sent me this so called “gift” with a note that says “Onwards and Upwards”. Of course, this could apply to the new magazine in which their company is featured. But post-Leveson, us hacks have to be on our guard.
Similarly, the sturdy outer shell of the Hotel Chocolat egg could be a confectionery representation of Northerntrack attachments’ renowned durability; the smoothness of its chocolate symbolic of the slick action of the company’s pulverisers, shears and grapples.
But I digress. The very fact that Andy Hair – Leeds’ answer to George Clooney – thinks that my affections can be bought with mere (although unquestionably delicious) chocolate is a personal insult. And Sue – women want to be her, men want to be with her – Hair is equally culpable in this thinly-veiled (and sweet smelling) attempt at bribery and corruption. And if they think this is going to get their excellent company and equally excellent attachments additional coverage in these pages, well they are sadly mistaken.
As soon as I finish this column, I shall be taking this unwanted (and now largely eaten) “gift” to a local old folks’ home to see what they make of its heavenly aroma and velvety texture. And I do not intend to mention Northerntrack or its range of high quality bespoke attachments in any way, shape or form.
That will teach them.
Happy Easter!!
